Barefoot gophernating is one of those senseless acts of beauty.

First of all, it requires an illegal fuel-air bomb assembly a la Caddyshack. Actually, it is not illegal as a welding rig. Mine uses a standard torch handle and propane rather than the traditional acetylene as the solvent gas. Many ironworkers use propane for cutting as well. It is cheaper and has more BTU’s.

Whenever the neighbors complain, I point to my welding rig and explain that sometimes it makes a pop.

If you have ever watched a tomato plant disappear from your garden, pulled to the subterranean netherworld by these nefarious creatures, you will understand.

This sort of terrorism demands revenge.

Enter the illegal by various Torts of nuisance gophernator.  You can blow fifty feet of gopher tunnel ten feet in the air. Even if you miss the gopher, it is enormously satisfying.

It is dangerous, like many satisfying things in life. The barefoot thing is extra spice. The directions admonish you to wear sturdy shoes. It is like brazenly standing on the second step of a three step ladder that says, “This is not a step”.

Have a great Fourth of July. My fireworks will be underground.